I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
