why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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