Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
