Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
