I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
