I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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