if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
