lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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