He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
