I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
