My first STD was from a foam party
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
