i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
cat food counts as protein by the way
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
