Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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