I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's blow job season.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
