The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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