Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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