the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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