the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
