I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
