Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize