Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
