Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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