WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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