I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
there is glitter all over my balls
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
