I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize