normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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