Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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