I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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