the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
