hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize