As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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