You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
