Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize