I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
