I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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