i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
