Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You don't make any sense
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