piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
