Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
