yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
