Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So many bounce houses so little time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
