making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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