This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
