the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
