So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
bring money and cleavage
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
how drunk are you?
Several
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
