there's paper in my vomit.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
