3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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