I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
