I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
