i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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