I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
