Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
