Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
