So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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