margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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