Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
