Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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