She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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