So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize