After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
