One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
two words: eviction party
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
