Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
