Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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