I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
