This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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