He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i need some magic done to my vagina
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize