then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I love having hate sex.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
