People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
