Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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