Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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