So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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