Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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