I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
