my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
