Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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