Already got asked if we're dating
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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