I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
