my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am mentally ready for anal.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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