Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
