It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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