I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
