I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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