Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize