I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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