So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
