no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
