i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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