I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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