He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
