for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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