She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize