Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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